L E T T U C E R O L L

Ben Ko - Softly and Tenderly

2012-02-08T05:34:00.000+08:00

This past week, I finally got around to remastering the CD I recorded in 2003 and putting it on iTunes, Amazon, Spotify, and a couple other stores. I also have two of the tracks synced with lyrics in a video and put on YouTube. Unfortunately I messed up on this track, so it has thirty seconds of silence at the end, but it's already distributed, so there's nothing I can do about it at this point. Other than that, life is going slowly, monotonously, and laboriously, except that I never know what will happen next!!! So maybe it's not so monotonous after all!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7UPc6vAe80&list=UUwMlH_G27i8KxOyUAIukf7w&index=1&feature=plcp

Bebo Norman, "Nothing Without You"

2011-09-22T09:33:00.000+08:00

Last camp in Taiwan. Everyone is required to come up with a performance of some sort. My team starts at 2'50".

Update

2011-09-16T03:43:00.000+08:00

Well. Made it back to the states. We lived in a hotel for a while. And met this family from China.

I got to see a little bit of State Wars, a national hockey tournament. Were they good at just 15 years old!

See then we moved and I didn't have internet for a while. That's why I'm at Starbucks on the University of Cincinnati campus right now.

Sometimes I still feel really bad.

Especially when I don't see how God's plan for music production is working.

But most of the time, I just miss Taiwan.

Even when I'm trusting God.

But I know....

Then, I was in Taiwan and God was in me.

Now, I am here and God is in me.

...So it's the same.

Just different.

Just as His mercies are new every morning. Same. But different. I don't really understand it all yet.

2011-07-31T21:22:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry, I've been so long, but I keep thinking that I'll have time to write a long post about everything that God has done in my life this year and also just all the kids we've been able to build relationships with and everything that has HAPPENED. But I guess I should just say for now that I am home and God IS GOOD and thank you for your prayers...very very ... very much. I do have time now, just not the brain. I think. So write to me. Write to me. And until then, we can only hope that I will wake up someday and be able to write about everything that went down this year. Blessings waayyy much! :) Ben

Watching this goalie through the playoffs...

2011-06-18T18:29:00.000+08:00

Felt like there was something worthwhile in his life...
Went and looked up what he's built on, what he has to say...

Whenever you think you've reached the peak, you're due for a fall.
Inspirational.

我愛耶穌 , 耶穌愛您 , 我愛您 .

2011-06-14T14:30:00.000+08:00

We're sitting in the middle of Juo Shi County English Competition and my 3rd grade Carol turns to me and whispers, "Where is your 'mother'?" I say, "She's in 'America,' where's your 'dina'?" She says, "Here," pointing down third-gradedly but meaning in the area. A few minutes later, she whispers, "Where is your 'father'?" I say, "America. Where's your 'dama'?" She says, "A far away place." I wanted to ask her if she wanted him to come back. I wanted to tell her she could pray to "Jehovah." But soon, it was her class's turn to perform. They sang, "Beautiful Sunday," and nearly burst out laughing just cause I was watching them, and then they got to the part where the song says, "When you say, say, say, say that you love me," and I just about cried.

Question for today: Have I stopped inviting Him again?

2011-06-10T23:40:00.001+08:00

Quote from tonight: What happened? Where did this revival come from? Why did God work so mightily here in this country in this place in this day? The answer is, because He was invited.

2011-06-09T22:05:00.001+08:00

Photo Courtesy of Eric Liou, Teacher at Zhuo Fong Elementary

Just jotted this down...

2011-06-09T16:13:00.000+08:00

I'm falling through this forest of dreams tonight

They're too much for me

But now that my blindfold has been removed

I'm falling through with my eyes wide open.

These are the dreams that I've been too scared to see.

These are the dreams that I've been too scared to follow.

But now that my blindfold has been removed

I'm falling through with my eyes wide open.

These are the dreams that my fears have silenced.

These are the dreams wrapped up in my heart.

But now that my blindfold has been removed

I'm falling through with my eyes wide open.

I'm falling through this forest of dreams tonight

They're too much for me

It's weird like waking up on the wrong side

And broad daylight is too much for my open eyes.

I'm falling through this forest of dreams tonight

The night is blinding me.

Blindfold gone, I want to run back

To where I had sight behind my blinds.

But these are the dreams that I've been too scared to see.

These are the dreams I have lived for.

These are the dreams that I've been to scared to follow

These are the dreams that have nearly walked out the door.

These are the dreams that my fears have silenced.

These are the dreams wrapped up in my heart.

But now that my blindfold has been removed.

I'm falling through with my eyes wide open.

I'm staring my dreams right in the face and

They're staring right back at me.

We've come face to face with no more disgraces

And I'm falling through life with my eyes wide open.

Falling into place.

journal - poem on loyalty, prayer list, and poem on prayer

2011-06-06T23:41:00.001+08:00

June 6, 2011

Loyalty.

I wanted to spew my colors

To make the world, richer, fuller

I wanted to be a life

Fill the space around me with my shades of light

Then God told me to keep my heart

Keep those rays within my guard

He wanted me to grow in faithfulness

Faithfulness can seem so colorless

But I have learned that holding in

Makes me dark within

Deepens my heart's hues

And life is richer when I'm me and you are you.

(Spewing is pale

Venting is rabid

Splashes of lightning

Like lifeless gale.

Holding is rich

Keeping is powerful

Guarding our souls

like potent reservoirs.

Concentration is strength.)

praying for bekah and josh today.

praying for liberation from ancestor worship

praying for liberation from spirit appeasement

praying for unity in our home

praying for school tomorrow

prayer.

i'm standing here as tall oaks bend over in thoughtful gaze

they look at me as though something has happened today

their arms so twisted in agony and painful tears fall as they play, it's august

but august brings winter, and winter death - something i've come to know as standing right here,

i go my way.

i don't stop to, look its way, but it comes with me

and no matter where i go, where i pause, it's over me

here. i'm still here. it takes forever, to go anywhere

but it takes even longer to stay where you are.

i like to think that tears falling down, from oak to the ground

don't stay. they run away.

like waters drunk by thirsty ground, they're drunk down

eagerly. they are needed.

and i too am needed here.

maybe i can catch the fluttery tears without breaking them

they are crisp from the heat of the past season

they fall without reason. maybe i'm reason enough

for them to fall and be caught

i think i know. i know something that sustains me.

keeps me here even longer than the tears that fall onto me.

the eyebrows cringe, wrinkles stare stolidly, and tears continue to come down on me.

oak tears are much like mine, but they come from me, when i die.

i know. i know. something that keeps me here as we

enter into eternity. i wear. i wear something that sleeves me like a shirt sleeves a body, cause i am only an arm.

And since I'm just an arm...I can't ever really cry cause i have no eyes. i just feel the throbbing of sobbing chest and wrenched blue heart, fading into obscurity.

those are the times that i finally feel alive - when i feel the oak leaves fall, onto me. when i feel the tears of God fall. on my wrist. they have fallen so long in my life, that i've come alive and they have stopped. i have outlived them. only because. they have fallen. and when the seasons have changed, and i too have fallen, maybe i too will cry along with them. and our tears will fall on the heads of others who stand under oak trees, long bent over, in prayer.

Distracted.

2011-06-02T23:31:00.000+08:00

Tired. Taught anyway. Not well. But taught. No. Watched the kids struggle to learn. Swam anyway. No. Watched the kids swim. Hugged them anyway. No. Watched them struggle to find me today. Find me behind me. They're agitated. It's not just me. We're both agitated. Maybe we've been connected somehow, but today we've been mixed up. Distracted. And anxious because of it. Tired. Slept anyway. Yeah. Sleep is hard for the tired. Saw God. No. Was seen by God. He gave me more today, once again, once more, once in a lifetime. Yet never ending. Kids from last year wrote to me. Cried. No. Wanted to. Again. Still more tired. More distracted. I hope tomorrow, as I'm with students once again, doesn't make all of us more anxious...Still. I should want to focus. But on what? Not on anyone I guess. On God. Yes. On God.

More journaling

2011-05-31T13:30:00.000+08:00

Praying for the alternative service "guard" at Juo Shi elementary and the English teacher I work with there. God worked miracles today again. I talked with the "guard". I said I cared for the things of others only because of God. He said he agreed with me and that he also made a promise to his god, Buddha and a few others. I asked him how he chose his gods. He said by how he felt about it. So we got to talk about feelings. He asked if I'd heard God before. (that was God's spirit moving. who has been praying?!) I told him how I would write down verses and then compare them later. God totally prepared me for this in the last couple weeks, first teaching me about patience in waiting for confirmation of visions in the book my parents gave me for my birthday. Ever since the retreat, I have been writing down verses, esp last week, I just wrote down all the verses that have been brought up and reaffirmed by different people this year. Working with the English teacher was miraculous as well. He normally just talks about what we "Sweitzer teachers" do wrong in general, how the students don't learn anything, and about why they don't really need us here. Today was the first he's thanked me for teaching the students something. This is all beyond my comprehension. Yesterday, the teacher at another school was driving me home and something in the conversation somehow made me think of what had happened Sunday night with me forgetting my money and ending up meeting Peter, my student, and having a good talk with him. Later, I found the connection between this story and our actual conversation had been pretty remote. It was definitely God making me speak. The teacher really responded, sharing from his own life how he thought what I said was true. I don't understand, but God is good, and I will continue to look for His goodness.

J O U R N A L

2011-05-29T23:30:00.000+08:00

JOURNAL

May 29, 2011

Last evening, I was really encouraged by Kerstin's sharing about how God led her from fear of students to love and how God led her to grow in her faith as she started sharing things and other teachers not only accepted but embraced her Christian materials. I felt like I could go home now and live in faith. God spoke through the sermon today too, reminding me that just as Joseph was able to do right no matter where he was, in Egypt or at home, serving Potiphar or family, so I can be one who always knows WHAT right is wherever God has me. I can go home now and continue to follow Him.

Today, awww, I'll write about this some other time. Or not. We played some sports with junior highers from church and I am amazed. And I'm thinking about so many things now. AWHWHHHH. OK!!

And, you'll never guess what happened. So I'm going to seven after team meeting and imma get some ice cream for Jess too. So I get out there and my parents call and i talk for like twenty minutes, get my stuff, and....I don't have enough money. I was sure I had like a hundred bucks in my wallet but oh well. Go home. I'm embarrassed, but somehow refocused and was like hey there's no reason for this, i think it's God, I want to see what reason he has for this. so i go home, get my haha thousand dollar bill, and go back to seven just in time to see Peter from church pull in. and yes, i must need to talk to him. so walk in right, pay for my stuff, and start talking to Peter. I made sure he was alright first then keep talking as we wait for the stoplight going home. Out of the blue. "Ben you know that kid?" What kid? "You know the one with the purple shirt who was here today?" ok it wasn't purple, but i finally figure out who it is after a few more questions lol. so he's like, "he's like really weird! is something wrong with him? he can't remember his own name he can't remember anything..." i'm like he can remember, he's like that with new people. his family is not very good. his parents aren't always around and he's an only child. he's only in third grade but he acts like he's in first sometimes. he goes to church...by himself, but i don't, well, i think he really has felt God's spirit before but I don't think he knows what to do. i think we can just pray for him and pray for wisdom for ourselves." At that point, Peter turns the conversation around and amazes me. Peter, the little irresponsible brother of an older sister. Peter the small lanky boy barely in junior high who barely flunked his way through 6th grade english and is slow to plug into most social gatherings, seemingly cowardly, seemingly small in all aspects but smile, his smile being bigger and freer that anything really should be it seems...Peter surprised me, and it was God. I praised the Lord immediately as he left. He said, "Ben, this kid really needs a lot of patience. Ben, we really need to pray for him. We need to spend more time with him and find out how we can spend more time with him. Ben, we can talk about this more next time. He needs people to reach out to him." I'm still amazed. The emotion has passed, but my heart is still stunned. At the Lord's goodness. At the Lord's power. And I came, I brushed with, came this close, in real encounter with the Lord's sovereignty. I'd like to forget my wallet again. And next time, I won't forget to say, "God HAS a reason for this moment. I want to SEE this moment."

May 28, 2011

Thinking about Grace from last year's school Ming Li because I just found a gum wrapper in my sticker bag from gum I think I received from her last year. Trying not to just think, but to pray.

Today, we invited teachers over for dinner and "Facing the Giants." Never give up.

...song...

2011-05-24T13:31:00.001+08:00

(spoken in background)

Your love is everlasting

Your life is never ending

Your rivers never running out

Like tears that never stop to dry

(Verse) Lord, You look down

And You don't frown

You just make sounds

Like a dying man

Lord, I've been bound

And my heart pounds

Walked too far around

To come back now

(bridge) But You're seeing

All I'm needing

To keep breathing

And You feel my eyes

And You're being

All I'm needing

To keep breathing

And You fill my life

With Yours

(verse) Lord, You used to

Patiently move

Each day I grew

And You would wait

Lord, You bend my

Every limb like

Trees so alive

When in the wind

(bridge) But You're seeing

All I'm needing

To keep breathing

And You feel my eyes

And You're being

All I'm needing

To keep breathing

And You fill my life

With Yours

(chorus) And I'm bleeding everything

That in need I received from You

So that all the life I'm filled up with within

Is flowing now from You

To them.

(verse) Lord, I rest now

Tearing, I bow

Fold myself how

I do not know

Lord, I just cry

To be Yours tonight

So when bright lights

Rise, I'm still alive.

A Friend Shared This Quote

2011-05-21T22:48:00.002+08:00

"I can't brag about my love for God because I fail Him daily, but I can brag about His love for me because it never fails."

To Follow the Desire God Has Birthed in Us...

2011-05-17T22:35:00.001+08:00

Hey you guys!

Here is the article my mom sent me about making choices in life. Life Doesn't Have Optional Voids. We can either choose right or choose wrong. The author states that it is therefore ok to focus on externals. I whole-heartedly agree except that our real focus is on the heart, because our outward focus (the law) MUST NEEDS be fulfilled by Christ's righteousness and not ours. Otherwise we end up stuck in a perpetual inability to live up to our external focus. However, a heart that loves God must make choices and these choices will be reflected in externals. If we do not allow our external choices to reflect our heart, they will bog us down. And in this light, yes, it is ok focus on externals, not as a fulfillment of a responsibility (that is done) but as a freedom to live better, and as a freedom to pursue the style of living that LOVE has instilled a desire for in our hearts. That's what I've thought of so far. Let me know if you have different thoughts on this. I'd love to hear!

Ben

PS: Now that I'm all done writing, I'm thinking about this quote by a friend that demands to be shared here. Tim Collins once noted that, "Music is the facilitation of our heart's desires." I think this is very applicable to our discussion here. Externals are a facilitation of our newborn spirit's desires. Yet, even though music may not irresistibly affect an active and alert heart, it still carries its own message, and when allowed by the heart, will wear its message in. In the same way, externals may be discerned as good or bad (as defined by God's law and/or by the heart He has given us, I don't know which) and can affect our spirit either by prolonged nagging, numbing walls of scars, or by allowance. Once again. Thoughts out on paper. Correct me in the wisdom of God if these thoughts are leading wrongly. Blessings.

Last night, we studied the command of prayer and the character quality of persuasiveness...and then I forgot about it...or so I thought. =)

2011-05-17T12:56:00.000+08:00

Today was pretty good at school. The teacher seemed a little cold when he parked in front of our house to pick me up, and but God gave me the boldness to break the silence and ask if he had received my bio and report on the school. He had something to say about my bio being only about God. So that made me a little fearful as I started school. However, I took opportunities to thank him and try to connect in his language, you know, like computers, food, interests, etc. Before morning classes concluded, my third grade cheered me up by coming to me for hugs. This hasn't happened before at this school. By the end of the day, my teacher was no longer hostile. Only tense. I'd been praying God's Hand. I didn't want spiritual conflict to play out in hostility and unreasonable actions. I believe the Lord has answered prayer. I believe He gave me wisdom. At the point someone becomes uncomfortable because his spirit collides with ours, he can go two ways. He can hide his spirit, or he can bully to cover up his weaker spirit (greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world). I believe that God led me to show confidence and kindness, appealing to the intellect that, in most people, has been trained to be reasonable and unable to find grounds for hostility in the face of kindness. Whatever happened, I do know this, that God sustained me today. And furthermore that He blessed me once again through my students. Praying for this teacher now.

Today, I look, as I sit at school, out of a window into the side of the mountain slope right outside and say, "May God be praised."

2011-05-11T10:21:00.002+08:00

In a place where rocks and trees don't know You,

All the world breathes still, all the world sings still.

Their notes have drowned Your name, blinding eyes and ears that used to hear the same,

All that's left now, the whirring of crickets in the hot sumer sun, only speaks

Of a land that used to know.

You.

In a place where mute men speak

The idols of men's hands, loom over,

This faraway land that lives right here in, I'm right here in,

It's heart covered in the jungles of tradition-fixed fear, I'm right here, and yet

All around me is dead, not

Here.

Something else lives, it's only a shadow puppet that seeks to know

Us. I'll hold to God, Him I'll know, but no other. Please,

Show me what is real in time, each moment, Who really has

Power and might, not stone monuments that hear nothing, silence everything,

Let Your Name live on, oh Christ Jesus, You're my

life, my.

Guide.

Through every trial, every false man, past every silence that roams, You're still my

Voice. Still my

Choice. Still my only reference when faced

With eternity's noise, I know which is true Joy and calls, "My

Boys, my sis, my family this is where you'll rest your head of waters in.

The palm of My Hands."

I stand.

In a place where even the dust does not praise You for the sins of the people who

Do not praise Your name for the deafness of their hearts, who

Have not raised their hands to You, yet raised them to pieces of wood, who

Claim to save people who feed them daily, and yet You

Lord, God Almighty reign,

From the mouth of babes to the oldest sage, I cannot deny,

You are glorious. I let my tears fall, give up my face, and hold my hands in.

Praise.

On second thought, these hills Do know You.
When I do...

Friday and Saturday

2011-05-11T09:23:00.000+08:00

Friday, I went with one of my schools to the Bunun coming-of-age festival. It was neat to see my kids from three different schools get along perfectly well with each other because they were focused just on me. It's not always this way. I think it's the same with God. When we focus on Him, we get along with those around us who are doing the same.

Sorry, I don't know why the picture is on rotated wrong here. But at anyrate, Saturday, Josh and I went skating through Hualien City again. We were looking for a lower-traffic route from the train-station to the central part of the city and ended up finding a pretty killer shortcut...and this. Other being on a little adventure with Josh, this is what made me happy all day.

God enabled us to have a focused time relaxing. That is a miracle in itself if you think about the words, "focus" and "relax". =)

2011-05-06T22:53:00.000+08:00

Tonight, I am praying for returning team members and for local school/government reps in charge of the program. :)

Ring, Ring, Ring!

2011-04-29T21:53:00.001+08:00

Awww! I hope it's not those kids again. But outloud, I say, "Let's see who's out here!" pick up the house intercom receiver up here on the third floor and say in a feigned sick voice, "Hhhello..." Yo and who speaks but a little voice, "Is Jessica there?" then, "Can you come down?" I'm like, "Sure," and pitter plop down the stairs keeping the lights out so I can see them first. I switch the entry mudroom lights on though before opening the door to make sure not to scare them though. They're two little girls. Yikes they're small. I don't think Jess has students this small. "I can call Jess for you." Yes, they would like that. "Would you like to come in?"

Striding up the stairs now to retrieve my cell phone, I say passing Josh that Jess's students are looking for her, then rush back down. It's amazing. They haven't just come into the mudroom. They're at the base of the stairs and it's nearly all dark. They're brave. I skip down to chase them back trying to awaken my lost senses of school-aged fun, and hear their screams and laughter are light and not boisterous. I'm dialing Jess. "Who should I tell her is looking for her?" I ask the two little girls. "Esther," with eyes that question, "Me?" and "Her, she's Cindy," with the same squirmy confidence that found them all the way to the stairwell earlier. "So are you Jessica's students? What grades are you in?" They're cute. "But Jessica doesn't teach 3rd and 2nd grade." Oh I see. They've seen her and she gave them cookies once, so now they know her.

Well, I'm amazed now. Josh is downstairs. And I've already made up my mind, almost, to play with these kids. For once. Or again rather. Playing seems like a thing of last year, before the hurt, before the denial, before the conflicting voices came and offered a way out. I can't believe Josh is here with me and we're ministering to new kids, together, playing UNO, teaching, watching - it's a new day. It reminds me of what we prayed yesterday. Josh and I in fact. God's mercies are new every morning. And if we hold it in, we don't have a new day with new people and new events. But may His mercies and love flow through us anew each day so that every moment is fresh and new. I believe it. And it reminds me of what I daydreamed yesterday after talking with Beks about team members finding time to do something together. Us sitting at the playground, the one tucked in a neighborhood with the swings, and two little girls coming to play and us inviting them to play with us. And showing Christ's love to kids we haven't met yet. Being able to serve together and not just each team member in our own individual corners. And this exile in Taiwan coming alive anew. People becoming strangers that I am curious to know again. The world waking. That was the thought that passed my mind yesterday. Since then, I've given the thought of serving together as I envisioned it to God. But then this. Josh. You might not know what this all meant to me. It's God becoming my life again.

Maybe this is just a corner of our prayers and dreams. A corner come to my house. Come because, and to my house because - I gave my house to God.

Ring, Ring, Ring! We've come.

2011-04-19T00:15:00.002+08:00

i'm not looking at myself, remembering myself, or bettering myself again. period. i'll look at the world, but only because I look at God and He holds the world in His heart, and never because I look at the world.

What Has God Done Since Bringing Me Here?

2011-04-15T00:08:00.001+08:00

He has changed my views on responsibility. After showing me my utter helplessness, He showed me His complete ownership of all that transpires in my life. I now do things not to save myself, not to make sure my day goes well, not to ensure that I fulfill my responsibilities. No. I already know that nothing I do can ensure that. I already know that something might always go wrong no matter what I do. Yet God still chooses to make some things go right. Nothing ever passes that He does not take ownership of. So I now do things BECAUSE I know I will reap the rewards of what I sow, because God is responsible, and because I am free to do things. I AM FREE from OBLIGATION, FEAR, and "RESPONSIBILITY," so everything I do is additional and out of love. It is so much like my salvation. The price has been paid for, and now my acts are are to add to my faith - they are because my faith guarantees that what I sow to the Spirit and against the flesh will not return void - and out of love. So When I Am Responsible...I Give It To God.

And I thought that God had done nothing since bringing me out here. Praise the Lord Who reigns above AND here. Thank you all for prayers. Very much.

It's not that I can't do things. It's I can't MAKE THINGS HAPPEN and God can MAKE THINGS HAPPEN. So He's the One and I'm just allowed to be a helper. It's like our teaching situation. We're supposed to be assistants not teachers. It's a matter of roles not actions. (photo by my uncle, Ping Hui Kao)

Dear Co-Workers!

2011-04-07T13:27:00.000+08:00

Thank you ALL so much for your prayers, correction, and encouragement. The Lord has been my sustaining grace every day that I have truly lived. Your prayers have helped this truth become reality in my life. They have surrounded me in days when I have not lived according to my faith. They have held me up when lies have threatened to pull me away from running to my one and only Trust.

One of my teammates here shared a comforting quote. I thought I'd share it with ya'll. It goes, "The harvest here is indeed great, and the laborers are few and imperfectly fitted, without much grace, for such a work. And yet grace can make a few feeble instruments the means of accomplishing great things - things greater even than we can conceive." and it's from a missionary to China named Hudson Taylor.

Blessings,
Ben

I need prayer.

2011-04-06T01:23:00.001+08:00

Brazen Serpents in a World of Serpents

2011-04-03T23:53:00.000+08:00

How could a brazen serpent save those bitten by serpents? Why did God choose a brazen serpent to be a type of Jesus crucified? Here is a sermon on the children's walk in this world, on God's salvation, on brazen serpents.

2011-03-30T23:45:00.000+08:00

never heard of this artist before. i thought it was laura our teammate in nantou who goes by the pseudonym, story, while teaching camps. funny, but nope. laura story wrote the songs, "blessings," and "grace," both of which seem to utilize lyrics and music harmoniously.

"once ur memries r more excitng thn ur dreams, u hav bgun 2 die. but if ur dreams r more excitng thn ur memries, ur life stinks" ~ a friend

2011-03-30T16:09:00.001+08:00

2011-03-27T13:05:00.000+08:00

My friend Paul wrote about Motion vs. Momentum. It's not what you think. =D

Played volleyball today...in Taiwan! And I can't believe it!

2011-03-19T20:49:00.000+08:00

Our whole team was there, except for Jessica who had not gotten back from her visa trip, and we played with some kids and two teachers from church. I'm so blessed. I hope my team is enjoyed it though, cause I had a lot of fun, but Josh has a hurt ankle, Bekah always says it hurts and seems can never be encouraged to gain confidence, and Elizabeth and the teachers were a little tired of seeing the kids not trying and chucking the ball straight out of the place, but still...looking at it from my perspective, we ALL learned a lot, and that's what counts. I'm encouraged. But I don't want anyone to be discouraged. I tend to be encouraged whenever I see someone put their all into something, and I start to see endless possibilities, and I get excited. To me I see much improvement. But often I get over-zealous and other people feel more discouraged because they feel they've failed a lot. I'm not too afraid of seeing other people's failure I guess. As long as they're not afraid. But back to volleyball. I think what was so awesome about today, was that we were all there giving up our own likes and dislikes, pain, and expectations, not just for our team-ness, but also for our team. And for once I feel like we not only fellowshipped together, but also served together. I'm glad Jessica is back after a safe and successful trip to Hong Kong for her visa.

2011-03-19T13:16:00.001+08:00

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31)

In returning and rest you shall be saved; In quietness and confidence shall be your strength... (Isaiah 30:15b)

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.... (John 15:9)

Man goeth forth unto his work and to his labour until the evening. (Psalms 104:23

You want to know what it feels like?

2011-03-18T22:24:00.000+08:00

There's a lump in your throat. You don't want to see another person ever again. You want to drown yourself in caffeine, get sick, and fall asleep. You're dizzy. Can't breathe. Don't want to. Just fall down and lean on something. The lump is not in your throat. It's down, in your heart, no it's, all of you. When are we going to cry. Can't cry. Want to. Die. Why did we have to see those few students we taught, cried for, prayed for, but could not touch last year at that strange school, why did we have to see them again?

Witness God Gives Me

2011-03-14T13:56:00.001+08:00

So I'm riding home with the English teacher from Luan Shan, and he tells me his grandfather is in a coma. We're silent for a bit, and then he changes the subject, but my mind is still on his grandfather. I have not thought about this question of life after death for a while, and at this point, it occurs to me that I might bring up that I don't know what to say, don't know how to pray, for him, because in my belief, dead people go to hell. Nevertheless I listen as he changes the subject. Less than a couple minutes later, he asks, "You know the Mormans? What is the difference between what they believe and the Christians?" After a pretty definitively concise and to the point explanation of the salvation plan, I decide to share my trembling heart concerning his grandfather.

I love this because I've been jabbering with him on the subject of religion, and he's been interested, but nothing has converted into real talk. By real talk, I guess I mean going from meandering to directed threads moving towards personal understanding in heart and in application. Last night, at team meeting, I prayed the Lord give everyone a chance to see victory this week. And today, the very next day, we see this. I've been reawakened to the power of two or three gathered in His name, and also the importance of praying for my co-workers. I love the Lord because He has heard my supplications.

My teacher did not linger on painful thoughts of a loved one going to hell, as he quickly responded, "I think I expressed his condition wrong. He is getting better." Nevertheless, my prayer is that he would not ever be free from the reality of God's salvation. May the Lord grow my faith until my prayer is that, not one of the sheep He has given me be lost.

Students at Li Shan Elementary

yuan chung doesn't disappear from my life after all

2011-03-11T20:09:00.000+08:00

met my students. short conversation. left. kinda dizzy cuz discouraged about their situation. this time, instead of going depressed, remembered God was in control. laid it back on Him. Well, couple min later, other side of town, saw them again. some good talks with a student usually silent. miracle of miracles.

Checkin' In.

2011-03-10T14:13:00.000+08:00

Hey! I haven't posted for a while. Just wanted to post and say I'm still alive. God is good. It's been discouraging to say the least, but God is good. I am learning to say that in more and more situations. Thanks so much for prayers!

2011-02-20T18:12:00.002+08:00

i'm so mixed up i don't know what to do.

Dear Mum,

2011-02-14T18:34:00.003+08:00

This is day two of my consistent attempts to survive without you.

Ok. I lied. Day one was almost a week ago.

At anyrate, today's recipe reads as follows:

"Materials needed: peas, beef, and Jess's left over French toast.

Action verbs and loose ions of the brain, namely, Ben's: Wash peas. Shake dry. Wash beef. Wring dry. Put in pan to fry. Oh yeah. Fry. Refrain from adding any seasoning whatsoever, cause we all know what happens when Ben starts adding seasonings. Refrain from adding even salt and pepper in order to avoid bringing to mind too many miscellaneous addable flavors. Add vinegar. Oops. Take Jess's French toast from yesterday and refry using heat trapped in any remaining vinegar and oil. Not sufficient. Light the stove, the part under the pan, again. Ok. We're done. But I was going to survive on my own and I used Jess's French toast!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!"

I don't particularly like the helpless feeling of being cooked for. However, I don't know which is worse--being cooked for, or the feeling of domesticity inevitably resulting from my search for independence. Maybe if I cooked with my hockey stick...

No. Not after where it's been. Right. 'Possum hunting is a whole 'nother story.

In His Hand,

Ben ;-)

2011-02-13T21:33:00.000+08:00

ok. so we all have voices now. ptl. but we're still all sick. ptl. now, first day of school tomorrow. ptl.

2011-02-13T15:20:00.001+08:00

God, I need Your Word for this year. I need Your plan for my team. I need Your Word in my life. I need You in my team. I have nothing to offer You. I look to You. I pray You look upon me. Lord, touch my pen that it prepare, speak, and rule in wisdom unparalleled by any earthy thought. I invest in You. Invest in Your people. Amen.

:(

2011-02-13T15:15:00.000+08:00

i feel like i am hiding again. cause i don't want to go out into the open before i have a plan. that's ok though. i can be in here or out there. God will show me His plan in His time. I will seek Him all the time. :)

Starting School Semester Sick?

2011-02-12T15:35:00.000+08:00

Two days till school starts and four of us five are sick. Some can talk, some can't. Some can think, some can't. Some can breathe. Some can't. Just kidding. Pray for us.

In the Philippines I met Gwen, Bolino, Michelle, and Christian on the streets outside our hotel. I wish I had pictures.

2011-02-11T11:01:00.000+08:00

2011-01-13T20:07:00.000+08:00

Pray for one of the teachers that a teammate works with who is also in charge of our program in Yuli and seems to be trying to bypass me and get that team member sent home, and if not, maybe whatever is the problem, frustration, or controlling bondage will come out some other way. Hopefully not. Holding on to Romans 13 even when it feels like conspiracy and I feel like fighting. But I will be wise and trusting at the same time. Lord will help me.

oh yes, and i also got clothes hangers. plastic. they don't rust. =D

2011-01-08T23:07:00.000+08:00

loved today. went rollerblading with bekah and benson today. hualien team came. i love when we sing together. davina let me drive her car. we all went to find my kids at yuan cheng, no longer just my kids now :), saw amy, betty, tim thomas, eric, carol, mike, joseph, wendy, and susan, then drove to hongye with all six passengers, played soccer, tag, rollerblading, and everything with kids. so good. dinner at the thai place to wrap it up. good day. i'm so happy. i ate with my right hand. :)

Found a big flat bed truck with a little incline to jump onto and roll up and off. It took me seven tries to land it perfectly. Most of the other tries were huge bails. But in the end, the one time I really landed at all, it was as near perfect as it could be. I hope all will see and note, that this is what it takes to walk the line. To live life to the fullest. To let it roll.

2011-01-07T16:39:00.000+08:00

Praise God for His order and protection.

2011-01-02T21:42:00.000+08:00

Passports. First, Jessica didn't turn her passport in to Kitty because....we later found out that she needed to fly home in two days. A few hours later, I couldn't find Kitty to give her all our passports because....a couple minutes later, my great uncle called me to schedule my hospital visit and needed my passport number. Some minutes later, I wasn't allowed to schedule my hospital visit for this week because....I just now realized that Bekah would bring our passports to Kitty tomorrow and I might not get it back in time to go to the hospital this Wednesday. And that's not all! Praise God. He orders and provides.

I Love to Write, but I Don't.

2011-01-01T11:12:00.000+08:00

I love ambiguity ;)

2010-12-14T23:05:00.000+08:00

just sent an email to my supervisor. praying now cause it felt pages long and super harsh. but it was time because she asked me to do it and i would forget if i waited, and it would be worse then...and it's subtle and deep stuff. it wasn't worded harsh so much as it was page of completely one-sided observations and she might beat up on herself over it, stress out, then come to us crying about how she tried everything to help us and now we think this of her, etc. but this was after a long talk between her and i and a couple teammates, and one of my teammates crying and my supervisor asked how she had pressured us, so i had to think about it. and it's too late so i'm not even totally sure what i wrote. but it was literally a page long and all one-side perspective, i said so in the beginning of the email...

Words don't follow actions. Actions don't follow words. Both follow heart. Likewise, man doesn't follow the world, and the world doesn't follow man. Both follow God.

2010-12-14T17:08:00.001+08:00

Do words follow actions, or should my actions follow my words? Neither, for actions would pull words down, and words would render actions insufficient. But my words and actions should follow my heart. In the same way, we don't follow the circumstances around us, the world, nor follow our beliefs, for circumstances would pull down beliefs and beliefs would never be played out for the insufficiency of circumstances. But rather, we follow the unseen and unspoken - God.

He requires nothing of us but to know we had nothing and that He became our all and all. And this is love. Is this consistent with the God's word?

2010-12-13T16:17:00.000+08:00

I don't know why I write when I could sing

About a Savior, Jesus Christ my King

Who died for me my sins to clean

Washed on and gone in a healing stream

And now I want to give my life for Him

But He already died so I could live

And if I did I'd be claiming that

Without Him I had a life to give

Without Him I had nothing fit

To even show for my friends and kin

Much less to give so I accept that

He died for me a completely free gift

He makes me feel like I could sing

Without words but then maybe these

In front of me would not understand

Cause their hearts are stiff and cannot see

It's not just emotion, it's understanding

What He's done and who I was

Who I am now, What he does

His work didn't end at dying for me

He came back to life to show me this

That sins are no longer between our relationship

Cause He could take away this brick wall between us

And still come back for me to live

I know I don't live my life now

It's fully mine but I'm in love, I'm given away

To a life that is greater than mine

Who requires nothing from me from day to day

But to know that my life had nothing to say

And that He is the only reason I'm awake

It's love. It's the only reason this heart of clay

Can love.

Pray for Kitty our supervisor that she'd get to the end of herself and approach God in faith and begin to know Him for her SALVATION not just masters thesis.

2010-12-07T21:37:00.002+08:00

Psalm 3:5-6

2010-11-29T18:40:00.000+08:00

I am blessed to have a team that prays for me and friends who exhort me to do right. I rise because of God. And now my trust is not in my teaching, or in the world working right, but in Him.

2010-11-18T22:35:00.002+08:00

so i got pricked today cause i jumped and tried to grab a drainage pipe in the side of a wall to climb up and found the hole was guarded by nails and i wasn't worried at first until now, and i have to go to sleep and, unfortunately read about lockjaw, and my muscles are twitching anyway, cause they do that. yay! goodnight!

email to tim. oh! this is a good update! swuheeet!

2010-11-15T17:44:00.002+08:00

Sorry, I never did reply to this Tim! Thanks for writing.

As far as bailing me out by baking brownies, I think that would be an incredible idea!

Mercy. That is so important! I'm thinking about it too. Maybe not in that word, but yeah it's basically mercy. Trying not to jump to conclusions, I guess even though I have better and better guesses about where kids are coming from, and I've seen the same foolishness time after time, it's still just trying to start from scratch with each one and focus on the real thing - their relationship with God. Who am I to get impatient saying that's the same foolishness time after time when I do the same before God?

I'm doing well. The day after I was very frustrated with my ability to handle the kids around us, some of the kids that my heart had been left with last year came and visited for the first time. I felt that day like it fixed everything. I was able to take like eight kids on a walk to a nearby school to play hockey with no problem, low stress, and a fun attitude. And everything seemed in order. God fixes things weird ways sometimes. I still am not sure what He is doing, what He is working. But it's bigger than the part of my feet that will ever be dipped in the water.

Hey, it's not over with the kids at this school, with this huge puzzle, yet. I went and like despaired and got sick the other day because of worry over relationships with kids at this school. So. I'm still learning through this. XP

Yeah, we all teach at different schools. With some variation, each one of us has five schools and teach 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th grade at each school. I teach every day in the morning Mon-Fri. Beks has irregular times, but also teaches Mon-Fri. Josh, Jess, and Liz cram a few days and get it all done by Thursday, then have Chinese lessons for themselves Friday morning while Beks and I are at school.

OK. Signing off! Hope you're doing well. I learned a few things teaching this week. A lot actually. I should write about it. Nag me about it. =P

Your brother in feet too! ;P

Ben

2010-11-12T19:54:00.000+08:00

Ain't going anywhere in particular, just going in circles here and there, but that's my goal, that's how we roll. We show up and walk the line, we don't live for a dot in time. We hold on tight and keep our sights fixed, on Jesus, so everywhere else we hike in life is for the hike; and the sights, hikes, rests between climbs don't matter much. Whether you like it or not, you goin in circles too cause you following the Trinity loops dawg! That's what we live for! Everything and forever!

Feeling Rather Sickly, People!

2010-11-08T22:12:00.001+08:00

Sing to me a new song in my eyes

Tell me that this story is my life

But show me that it’s different or I’ll bite and hold it back just don’t you

Tell me that this story is a lie

Bring the notes now closer, now I die

I don’t want to hear another sigh

Don’t let me know the things you told me in the past I’ve lost already

Now I only want to do it right

Give me breath to breathe again tonight

Pull me in to reignite the light

Cause all the stars I wanted seem so high up in the darkness and I

Need you to just to reach this solemn sight

Drink me in till everything’s alright

Dreams can come and go till bye and bye

But show me that you’re different or you’ll fade away like all the world just

Passing through like hands of time were tied

So sing to me a new song in my eyes

Breathe to me a new breath for my life

Turn the pages oh so quickly that the ages fade so briskly

That repeating pain each day will slide

Ring a bell so I can hear again

Dream a well so I can drink this sand

So everything that happens in the day today will never sadden us and

We can go on living joy in hand

Dance for me a dance upon my bed

Prancing light cause I can’t move my head

When all around the world just swirls around my body laying still I'm

Needles on a table, cloth and thread

Streams of living water fill my head

Foggy swamps are what are here instead

But clear and cool is what I used to have right here I’m understood to-

Day is not the same day till I’m dead

Read for me the books I hate to read

Burn for me the words that flood the sea

I don’t remember anything, just know that you might not be list’ning

To the musings of reciteful sleep

Deep down do you know that this is real?

Week on week you need to stop and feel.

Things don’t go on for forever, you aren’t really feeling better

Than the day I leave my window sill.

I wanted to reach the kids at Yuan Cheng. But now, I'm thinking.

2010-11-07T13:30:00.000+08:00

1. If I believe in working through authority, the person I really want changed is still their teacher Huang.

2. If I cannot reach them it may not be me, it may be them. I can try to be here till they're ready. But God spoke through a friend's broken English and my poor Chinese during a Bible study/accountability over Romans 1:9-13 today to communicate something my parents have been trying to tell me for ages. While God is longing to reach me, it may not be God, it may be me. And He can be here till I'm ready. Until I'm ready, the kids I want to reach may never be. There's a wall that needs to be taken down.

Ah, structure too clear; sweet vagueness left of the sift!!! X\

Two Things.

2010-11-06T21:47:00.002+08:00

So, this place is making me feel that my palette of emotions only makes sense in an American world-view. What do you do when everything you recognize doesn't make sense and the only things that make sense are things that you don't recognize? Unnamable, senseless emotions?

And, I realize I grew up in an others-indulgent society. Now things are different, and everything I do, is wrong. I can't afford to be self-centered. Neither can I afford to live for perfection. I need to live toward God and then LOVE correction. I hate how people don't correct and just talk behind your back though. I just know God still works all things for good...

Where is Everyone?

2010-10-31T19:47:00.002+08:00

So, there are too many acquaintances, too many groups, too many locations, too many activities. Most of all, there are too many opportunities. I talk with numerous people during each week, some from one school, some from another. Some from one shop, some from another. Some from church, some from no Christian background. Some from one city, some from another. Some from one TESOL team, some from another. Some are third graders. Some are adults. Some like sports, some don't. Some are busy, some have more time than I can handle visiting me at all oddest hours beknownst to man. Some are cheerful and open, some have withheld their lives from others. Some are acting. But in short, there are simply too many people groups for me to handle.

And while, I've enjoyed talking and getting excited about scheduling certain fun activities with so many teachers, kids, and neighbors, I cannot go to one child's track meet, then another's swimming, then a cell group with one church, then a prayer meeting with another, then dinner with yet another church member. I know this is good, that I'm seeing God bridges churches, crossing all cultural and social lines. Yet FEW OF THESE OPPORTUNITIES ARE CONVERTING. We don't have good scheduling.

Furthermore, I feel I can never commit to one group. I cannot even really settle down at a sports meet where all my five schools, 20 grades/classes are present, 100 kids. Don't even mention all the kids I think about and from schools last year; my heart revolves around them and maybe it shouldn't cause it should revolve around God. But back to the sports meet, just as an example. Should I cheer for Juo Shi Elementary or Juo Le?

But again, that is not the point. The point is I have a problem. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's recognizing where all these dots connect into lines. I can NO LONGER CONNECT with everyone WHERE THEY ARE. They are going to have to connect where I am cause I can't run around looking for half a thousand people this year.

I think it really bothers me that I seemingly can't GO to someone, meeting them at their activities, meeting them in their environment, meeting them WHERE THEY ARE in life! And seriously, I'm like, "WHERE'S EVERYONE?"

I know it's not really like this, but it feels like this. I HAVE TO BE HOST. I guess I just have to be ready for a change in my views on responsibility once again? Let me know if any of you have advice or thoughts. I'm just sitting here in bemuddlation.

2010-10-27T21:55:00.004+08:00

...roll tight like lives are falling by...

Yeah.

2010-10-26T23:14:00.000+08:00

So the CETA (Christian English Teachers Association) symposium and book fair in Taipei went really well. About twenty of us IBLP teachers were there. The best part of it all was of course meeting up with everyone. All teams were represented. Talks were general, but good. Time was tight, but treasured. So, really, it was good seeing that everyone was alive and where they all were and all that. However, the speakers at the event were also invaluable. In fact, just about everything I did for my four classes yesterday were all from one speaker at the event this weekend. And of course I almost got sick the very first part of the workshop and missed a session. And of course I got on the train on the returning trip that only went to Hualien and got to crash a friend's couch for two hours before taking the 3 am train to go back to Yuli in time to catch a final hour's rest before going to school. And of course Josh got the bright idea to lock our room door that night for the first time in like a gazillion years. So school was awesome. BTW, today, school made me love the kids, and want to hug my very caring but hard communicating teacher for lack of anything nice to say to him. And so that's what we'll leave it at before I say good night. Good night.

Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Something God's been teaching me.

2010-10-20T22:33:00.003+08:00

So last Thursday, my teacher is driving me home from school, and out of the blue she says, "Abraham believed that God was father. Isaac trusted that all things came from the Hand of God. Jacob accepted God's dealing in his life." I sit there in the passenger seat simply awed, but somehow not surprised. After all, doesn't everything we have come from God's hand?

The message connects with me on so many levels. Each part is important. Each part hits home. And as I sit there for the remainder of the ride, I ponder the fact that seemingly different events in my life are all addressed in this message. Thinking back now after a week of talking with friends and seeing God work out these lessons in me, I have begun to think the lessons are one. But rather than write about a cliche topic, I'd like to write about the specific ways God has brought that topic out of cliche, past my pride, and into my life.

First off, God is Father. How awesome is that? I mean, how real is that? Everything I need has been provided for. The whole world Abraham wanted to give birth to was given to Him by the Father. And while I may want to lead strongly in this city, boldly birthing a vision of a city on its knees before God, all my planning and working and planting will never give birth to a single child, never nurture a life or a team that I've been entrusted to. God is the father of all, and God is the one Who fathers hearts.

Then too, I wonder a lot how I'm doing warding off the attacks of the enemy. And I worry a lot if things aren't going the way they should. Plus, I groan a lot about things that don't seem to further God's will. But does anything happen that God doesn't will? His plan has never changed for us. Only our plans have changed. Maybe I just needed to accept all things as from God. And if all things means trials and tribulation, so be it. All things work together for good to them that love God. He's still here. His plan is still good. I just need to see from His perspective more.

If I saw from His perspective, that should help me accept his dealings in my life. There are a lot of things that need to be fixed. Everyone thinks the same is true in anyone's life. But few people think the same is true in their own life and believe it to the point that they're willing to open their hearts up and be hurt, in order for the thorns to be removed. I'm serious. Accepting God's dealings in my life means not just being willing to be changed, but being willing to cry and realizing that tears are cleansing. I just read today that the, "blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil," (Pr 20:30a). Nuff said. Do I accept God's dealings in my life?

I know all this sounds kinda impersonal. I wish I could explain the exact situation I was and still am going through. But I can't find it. And, at this point, I believe that this situation has no start nor end. It's constant for everyone. So there really isn't a pressing need to blow my mind out trying to pinpoint the precise circumstances and events of the last week. It's just a situation called faith.

Praying that God will continue to work out our salvation in Him.

Sometimes

2010-10-18T17:40:00.000+08:00

Sometimes.
I don't feel like writing.
Sometimes.

Often.
I just sit here writhing.
Past nine.

Still up.
I just face my own whining.
Still up.

Sometimes.
My thoughts are all waiting.
To turn up.

Sometimes.
My thoughts are still living.
To be written down.

Sometimes.
My thoughts are the action.
While I'm lying in silence.

Sometimes.
A lot goes on when I should.
Be sleeping.

Usually.
That's how it is.
That's how we're rolling.

Sometimes.
It's just you and I still thinking.
In this world.

2010-10-12T22:26:00.001+08:00

wow. today was so hard. but God is so gracious and good to work out details. the teacher and i actually communicated working out some really subtle but extremely problematic differences in teaching roles. and all this on top of a little cold and a fuzzy mind.

My heart feels like my head, sounds like my nose, breathes like my voice right now.

2010-10-11T21:14:00.000+08:00

But We Have This Treasure in Earthen Vessels

2010-10-03T22:35:00.007+08:00

But We Have - II Cor 4:7 by Ben Jeremy

More Ben Jeremy music on iLike

Now we see dimly...

2010-10-02T16:41:00.001+08:00

Yuan Cheng

2010-10-01T22:03:00.002+08:00

Betty, Amy, and Eric, and their little sis, and little bro were IN OUR HOUSE! I can't believe this. God is so good!

2010-09-30T21:22:00.002+08:00

I saw Wendy today!

Our team just sat and talked with two Mormons. One was very shaken. I love my team. Praying.

2010-09-27T20:46:00.001+08:00

2010-09-20T22:11:00.000+08:00

Ph o t o C o u r t e s y o f C a r i s s a H o n g

2010-09-19T21:13:00.001+08:00

Coaching difficulties. Get this. Youth on both sides of the ball. Esp D. Can't expect everything. Define. Define! Roles. http://t.co/sPdh22B

How Things Stand =P

2010-09-18T23:24:00.000+08:00

A typhoon is supposed to come right through. The windows are shut and taped. It's like the passover. I hope the neighbors see God. I mean, God's hand. Try to say things right here, Ben.

Jess is going to Hong Kong to renew her visa so she can come back and stay in Taiwan.

Josh played hockey with me today. I really appreciate this guy.

Rebekah sat outside with the kids tonight.

Elizabeth rollerbladed even though she didn't want to.

Ben learned a lot and is very confused.

Good night.

Good Night

2010-09-17T21:39:00.000+08:00

Well! I had a good day. Was with the team at the night market. Talked with people at the night market. And one or two students. One from Yuan Cheng. A couple minutes with our neighbor kids. Efficient dinner. Exercise in the afternoon. Not too much sugar. Looking forward to recovering from all injuries and getting back in shape. I hooked my fingers over the bball rim today and touched it consistently. Good school in the morning. Very good. Conquered relationships with stiff kids. Taught an excellent class. Binding my mother's and father's love around my neck tonight.

Help!

2010-09-16T23:57:00.002+08:00

Need ideas for a 2 hr. session for adults on how to learn English! How do Taiwanese people learn English? What are common problems for Taiwanese and aboriginal teachers learning English? How do you learn English or any other language for that matter?

So Frustrated!

2010-09-16T16:42:00.000+08:00

Why don't people need anything?
Am I the only one who needs others?
I see other people are down.
There's nothing I can do to help.
I'm here to help other people.
People who don't need anything.

But, as I am writing now, I know the solution.
If I cannot do a single thing that will help, then it must be God's job.
If so, I can pray.

I'm not frustrated any more! :)

Isaiah 26:3: Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

2010-09-15T22:16:00.001+08:00

2010-09-13T22:23:00.000+08:00

Listen.
There are things
That
May really seem
So
Small.
But in the end
Must find you
And
Drive you up a
Wall
And,
You will hear no end of them.

Praying...

2010-09-11T23:09:00.000+08:00

Tonight, our team is praying for...

The unusually high number of people going to worship at the temple next to our house...

The ceremony that happened tonight that seemed to go beyond the normal almost non-spiritual culture-religion so often practiced here...

That the Lord would seriously hinder Satan tonight, and the people would doubt and be freed from their bondage to an unknown and unreal power. For Satan has no power but what is allowed him by the Lord God Almighty. And perhaps the people think that their "gods" have protected them from spirits...

I expect...

That this coming week, things will go wrong for a lot of people. Their "gods" will not be able to protect them...

That maybe things might go unexpectedly well for some. I don't know...

But I expect God to work. And we to be ready to respond as we are in touch with what He is doing...

I need...

Wisdom. To seek and understand what God is doing. Where He is moving...

God's shelter and grace. To communicate...

And courage to lead accordingly...

Song for II Corinthians 4:6-8 (Daddy, you'll like the rhythm on this one. It's 123-123-12-12-12 :)

2010-09-11T16:53:00.000+08:00

But we

Have this

Treasure in earthen

Vessels

That the

excellency

Of the power may be

Of God and not

Of us.

Made of

Weak clay

We stand in need of

Jesus

That His

Power in us

Cannot stay here with us

Without His Hand's

Support.

He gave

Us His

Light to shine brightly

In this

World when

All around bends

And the darkness surrounds

And rends our plans

So soon.

So we

Now see

That he is strong in

Our lives

It is

Just what we need

When we know we are weak

But that He is

Our strength.

The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will. -Pr 21:1

2010-09-10T06:47:00.001+08:00

My 3rd graders today know Jesus!

2010-09-09T14:54:00.001+08:00

Ma Ren wit da team! God is here. Put yourself in a place where your faith is tried and found to be true.

2010-09-08T22:29:00.000+08:00

Just sent out lesson plan ideas drafts to the teachers I've worked with this week so far! Stayin on the same page from the gecko! =P

2010-09-08T15:05:00.001+08:00

2010-09-06T21:32:00.001+08:00

Frustrated.

Dinner Turned Out Amazing

2010-09-06T20:43:00.000+08:00

...but today was pretty much gag.

I'm back from school at only 1 pm.

2010-09-06T15:11:00.000+08:00

Today, I can lesson plan, schedule Chinese lessons and times to play with the kids, and take care of team questions. This week, I hope to go grocery shopping and cook dinner each night as well as have a devotional time with the team every night at 9 pm.

School was very enjoyable. The teacher was friendly and has good English. The students miss Joshua. But they are very responsive. They are mostly Taruko aboriginal.

School Starts Soon...

2010-09-05T22:21:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow morn. Lord willing, we'll begin with prayer.

Journaling

2010-09-04T20:54:00.000+08:00

Facing his fears, he dropped his gaze, down on the ground where hundreds lay asleep,
Erasing thoughts, he raced through history, lacing hot and cold together till he could see
All the things that had him bound, maybe less, maybe more;
But as it were, there was no time to linger longer, so he just walked on, stepping still stronger,
In the face of eternity.

My Team

2010-09-02T21:29:00.000+08:00

My team members are...
Rebekah
Joshua
Ben
Jessica
Elizabeth

Today...
Rebekah is sick.
Joshua is encouraging.
Ben is focused.
Jessica is consistent.
Elizabeth is happy.

The people we met today include...
Kitty, our supervisor
The principal
Koby, my son at heart
Benson, my protege
Kevin, the little man
Ucah, the dreamer
The noodles shop lady
Jean Huang, an enemy only in all worldly eyes
Marco, a strange man
Vicky, my 2nd grade daughter
Kahwen, the school guard

I talked to some friends...
Davina
Bethany
Tony
Deana
Tina
Jarita
Michelle
Tim
Josh, Liz, Jess, and Becks

I dreamed...
of dunking
of skating so fast like
I'm flying
of singing like Jesus
of becoming a better leader
of gaining strength
of dying
of living
and of God

And we sleep...
in Christ. Psalm 4.

It's 4:37 am and the typhoon has calmed when I sing...

2010-09-01T16:59:00.001+08:00

"Heav'n is touching earth with rest;

Wait and worship while the night

Sets her evening lamps alight

Thru all the sky."

Mary A. Lathbury, 1841-1913

We're There!

2010-08-30T22:21:00.000+08:00

After a good day of team time wandering about in the Taipei underground mall and talking on the train, we're finally in our old little town of Yuli. Thanks for prayers. They are much needed. I plan to spend tomorrow organizing the house, myself, and the team.

hard day. ended well. God's grace is sufficient.

2010-08-29T00:34:00.003+08:00

Here We Go!

2010-08-25T17:15:00.002+08:00

I'm going back to Taiwan...

High Fives

2010-08-20T22:30:00.044+08:00

These are a few things I thought of that might be fun to do either this year in Taiwan or maybe even in the next few years anywhere. :-)

For Me
1. Play hockey on a team
2. Hunt
3. Build more houses
4. Learn to fly
5. Go to India

For Team
1. Bike to the waterfall or nearby cities and explore!
2. Play volleyball or hockey
3. Visit teams
4. Photo shoot at park, junior high, and river
5. Play house games

For Children and Teachers
1. Play volleyball, learn to work as a team, initiative/responsibility
2. Take a special outing to a big city, learn to observe, proactive thinking, proper worldview, test beliefs
3. Act out Bible stories and sing hymns, learn about God's plan, love
4. Play hockey, learn discipline, deference
5. Play tackle or touch football, learn to follow instructions, obedience/perseverance

For Christian Friends
1. Bible and prayer
2. Hymn sing
3. Dinner or visiting/chores/projects
4. Sports
5. Picnic/barbeque

My Little Goals
1. 10 ft dunk with a basketball
2. 540 or soyale ten steps
3. Step to fakie wallride 360 out
4. Planche pushups to handstand
5. Horizontal bar pushups

I Understand So Much More Deeply Now, Nearly to the Point of Action

2010-08-19T11:35:00.005+08:00

"When we walk with the Lord,
In the light of His word, 
What a glory He sheds on our way,
When we do His good will,
He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.
Trust and obey,
For there's no other way,
To be happy in Jesus,
But to trust and obey."
-John H. Sammis

Lessons from this week...
Obedience leads to joy.
My job is not to deviate from God's design. It is to understand.
What do you need prayer for? Communication with my dad to lead to protection under authority.
Why do I not talk? Because people have not understood. 
Why was I hurt by that? Because I trusted people instead of God.
Why am I sad? Because I have not allowed God to give me joy as much as I have cried out to Him.
I need to not only cry, but also obey so that He can lift me out of the miry clay, give me strength, and make me to take the next step. -Psalm 40
Why can I not forgive? I need God to show me this. It is His grace, not my strength that will change someone I pray for. Humility is needed.
For this I can cry, if I cry in faith ready to accept. -James 1

:)

2010-08-15T11:25:00.000+08:00

I am at Verity right now. It is so good to be back here.

Leave

2010-08-01T12:38:00.001+08:00

There are a few moments left, a few moments left of today, but I sit here still with no regrets watching birds fly away. Here on my doorstep, a doorstep made of clay, I don't care their hearts are set - don't care what people say. Dear friend don't leave now; sit down here beside me. Listen to the coyotes howl way beyond this tree. Near us there are people who bow, people who bow to earth and trees; but know now that they may be loud, yet you and I will worship He Who made us free. The ground is still so free. The only reason we live and dance and dream with no regrets and sleep in peace for all eternity is Jesus. For all things work together for good to them that love God and are the called according to His purpose. Turn the leaves of this page. I am not a sage. Learn well, forget the rest - the rest will come with age.

And...

2010-07-29T05:24:00.000+08:00

I'm home.

Find a way when there is no way. Do the right when it means, not knowing what to do. And in the end, it'll all work out.

2010-07-25T17:05:00.001+08:00

When buildings rise
All crumpled within
Built on eyes
Of sand,

And realization,
Hope like rain,
Flowers in
My hand,

I stand in need, of more than this.
Of two more legs than none.
I understand when, I stand over walls come down,
There'll be no one to lean on.

When fears assail,
Where I am free,
Best of the years that
I see,

All that I care for,
But I bow the knee,
Lay at the feet of
Jesus.

Knowing that He can see, farther than me,
When knee-deep comes He's my song.
I stand in need, of more than this -
Of two more legs than none -

He's my King.

There's nothing left but what is here. Move on to the day that's moving. Reach but wait, wait for power to, Move your feet to where you should be

L E T T U C E R O L L

Ben Ko - Softly and Tenderly

Bebo Norman, "Nothing Without You"

Update

Watching this goalie through the playoffs...

我 愛 耶 穌 , 耶 穌 愛 您 , 我 愛 您 .

Question for today: Have I stopped inviting Him again?

Quote from tonight: What happened? Where did this revival come from? Why did God work so mightily here in this country in this place in this day? The answer is, because He was invited.

Just jotted this down...

journal - poem on loyalty, prayer list, and poem on prayer

Distracted.

More journaling

J O U R N A L

...song...

A Friend Shared This Quote

To Follow the Desire God Has Birthed in Us...

Last night, we studied the command of prayer and the character quality of persuasiveness...and then I forgot about it...or so I thought. =)

Today, I look, as I sit at school, out of a window into the side of the mountain slope right outside and say, "May God be praised."

Friday and Saturday

Ring, Ring, Ring!

What Has God Done Since Bringing Me Here?

Dear Co-Workers!

I need prayer.

Brazen Serpents in a World of Serpents

"once ur memries r more excitng thn ur dreams, u hav bgun 2 die. but if ur dreams r more excitng thn ur memries, ur life stinks" ~ a friend

Played volleyball today...in Taiwan! And I can't believe it!

You want to know what it feels like?

Witness God Gives Me

yuan chung doesn't disappear from my life after all

Checkin' In.

Dear Mum,

:(

Starting School Semester Sick?

In the Philippines I met Gwen, Bolino, Michelle, and Christian on the streets outside our hotel. I wish I had pictures.

oh yes, and i also got clothes hangers. plastic. they don't rust. =D

Praise God for His order and protection.

I Love to Write, but I Don't.

Words don't follow actions. Actions don't follow words. Both follow heart. Likewise, man doesn't follow the world, and the world doesn't follow man. Both follow God.

He requires nothing of us but to know we had nothing and that He became our all and all. And this is love. Is this consistent with the God's word?

Pray for Kitty our supervisor that she'd get to the end of herself and approach God in faith and begin to know Him for her SALVATION not just masters thesis.

Psalm 3:5-6

email to tim. oh! this is a good update! swuheeet!

Feeling Rather Sickly, People!

I wanted to reach the kids at Yuan Cheng. But now, I'm thinking.

Two Things.

Where is Everyone?

Yeah.

Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Something God's been teaching me.

Sometimes

My heart feels like my head, sounds like my nose, breathes like my voice right now.

But We Have This Treasure in Earthen Vessels

Now we see dimly...

Yuan Cheng

Our team just sat and talked with two Mormons. One was very shaken. I love my team. Praying.

How Things Stand =P

Good Night

Help!

So Frustrated!

Isaiah 26:3: Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

Praying...

Song for II Corinthians 4:6-8 (Daddy, you'll like the rhythm on this one. It's 123-123-12-12-12 :)

The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will. -Pr 21:1

My 3rd graders today know Jesus!

Ma Ren wit da team! God is here. Put yourself in a place where your faith is tried and found to be true.

Just sent out lesson plan ideas drafts to the teachers I've worked with this week so far! Stayin on the same page from the gecko! =P

Dinner Turned Out Amazing

I'm back from school at only 1 pm.

School Starts Soon...

Journaling

My Team

It's 4:37 am and the typhoon has calmed when I sing...

We're There!

hard day. ended well. God's grace is sufficient.

Here We Go!

High Fives

I Understand So Much More Deeply Now, Nearly to the Point of Action

:)

Leave

And...

Find a way when there is no way. Do the right when it means, not knowing what to do. And in the end, it'll all work out.

我愛耶穌 , 耶穌愛您 , 我愛您 .